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avatar BobZeera 4 year.ago

My Wife was dying

I was by her bedside. She said in a tired voice, "There's something I must confess." "Shhh" I said, "There's nothing to confess. Everything's alright." "No I must die in peace. I had sex with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father." "I know," I whispered, "That's why I poisoned you."

nsfw

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. I've been looking for a way to make a new company.

Now, I found it.

2. I swapped all the labels around on the canisters in my wife's spice rack.

So far she hasnt noticed, but her thyme is cumin.

3. When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.

Turns out identity theft is a crime

4. How do you get to the capital of Malawi?

Li-long-we

5. What do you call a man with no body and no nose?

Dead. You call him dead.

6. If you always have a wisecrack,

will that make you a smartass?

7. What does it take to make an octopus laugh?

About ten tickles

8. What do you call a nose with no body?

No body nose

9. Goat joke

Two idiots- Zack and James and were walking together in a field. After a bit of walking they came across a big hole in the ground. The hole was so big and deep they couldn’t see the bottom. Zack: How deep do you think the hole is?” James: “I’m not sure- let’s throw a rock in and listen for when it hits the bottom.” Zack: “great idea- I’ll grab a rock” Zack grabs a rock and tosses it in the center of the hole. They never hear the rock hit the bottom. Zack: “man that hole must be deep! Let’s get something bigger to toss in!” James: “great idea! I’ll be right back!” James is gone for a long time- finally after an hour of waiting Zack sees James returning dragging an anvil towards the hole. Zack helps him carry this heavy anvil towards the hole. Together they heave the anvil down the hole. They listen for the sound. They hear a faint “clop..clop…clop” The noise is steadily picking up in volume and speed. Clop Clop. CLOPCLOPCLOOCLOP. Suddenly a goat is flying towards James and Zack. It jumps right down the hole. Astonished- James and Zack are dumbfounded. About this time they hear a farmer call out “Calvin! Calvviiiin!!” “What’s the matter?” Zack asks the farmer?? Farmer: “I’m looking for Calvin!” Zack and James start helping the farmer locate Calvin. After 20 minutes of no luck- James asks “so what does Calvin look like?” Farmer: Calvin is my pet goat. Zack: you are never going to believe this but we just saw that goat jump down the big hole! Farmer: no that can’t be- that’s impossible. James: why is that? How come you don’t believe us? Farmer: cause Calvin was tied to a anvil

10. What do you call a nose with no body?

No body nose

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